Tuesday, 01 January 2008

• feliz ano nuevo!

  i am pretty sure that 2008 will be "same same, but different."  (a phrase used often by beth, padre joe's niece, who picked it up in thailand and who was here for a week visiting.)

  these past few weeks have been the same peru, the same piura that i've lived in for the past three months, but with the presence of other american groups, things have been very different.  the same stuff happens, but it all feels different.  not bad, just...same same, but different.

  and when i go back to the united states, i'm returning to a life that will, ostensibly, be pretty much the same as it was before.  i'll go to school, and study my butt off.  i'll work so that i don't run out of money.  i'll dance, i'll laugh, i'll cry, i'll pray.  but i will be--i am--fundamentally different now.  stuff has gotten to me here, in good ways, in painful ways, in all sorts of ways.  i know more about the world, more about myself, more about my God.  the kind of things you can never un-know.

  my eyes are a bit more open now.  something i started dreaming of when i was thirteen years old is finally starting to happen.  it's beautiful, and scary, and i don't know what to do next.  i'm going home.  but home won't fit quite right, because i'm not quite the same.

  same same, but different...

   

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